On Leadership-1

Dammit! Why do these bad things always happen to me?

Problem: Bad things happen to everybody. If we dwell on them, they frustrate us and bring us down.

Solution: See bad things as part of the ebb and flow of life. Suffering is a part of the human condition – but it passes. All pain goes away, eventually. Meanwhile, don’t let it hold you back. Don’t dwell on bad things, but look forward towards something good in your future. And learn to take the bad things in stride, and learn from them. Bad things are actually opportunities to grow and learn and get stronger, in disguise.

You can’t do anything right! Why can’t you be like _____________?

Problem: This can be said to your child or your subordinate or your sibling. The problem? Comparing two people, first of all, is always a fallacy. People are different, with different ways of doing things, different strengths and weakness, different human characteristics. If we are all the same, we would be robots. Second, saying negative things like this to another person never helps the situation. It might make you feel better, and more powerful, but the truth is it hurts your relationship, it will actually make you feel negative, and it will certainly make the other person feel negative and more like to continue negative behaviour. Everyone is loser.

Solution: Take the mistake or bad behaviour of others as an opportunity to teach, show them how to do something. Second praise them for their behaviour, and encourage their success. Last, the most important, love them for who they are, and calibrate their difference.  

Your work sucks. It’s super lame. You are moron and I hope you never reproduce.

Problem: I have actually gotten this comment before. It feels wonderful. However, let’s look at it not from the perspective of the person receiving this kind of comment but from the perspective of the person giving it. How does saying something negative like this help you? I guess it might feel good to vent if you feel like your time has been wasted. But really, how much of your time has been wasted? A few minutes, A few hours! And whose fault is that? The blogger or yours? In truth, making negative comments just keeps you in negative mindset. It’s also a good way make friends.

Solution: Learn to offer constructive solutions, first of all. Instead of telling someone their blog sucks, of that a post is lame, offer some specific suggestion for improvement. Help them get better. If you are going to take the time to make a comment, make it worth your time. Second, learn to interact with people in a more positive way – it makes others feel good and it make you feel better about yourself. And you can make some great friends this. That’s a good thing.

PHD-IN-COUNSELING-EDUCATION 

Insulting People Back:

Problem: If someone insults you or angers you in some way, insulting them back and continuing your anger only transfer their problem to you. This person was probably having a bad day and took it out on you for some reason. If you reciprocate, you are now having a bad day too.  His u.problem has become yours. Not only that, but the cycle of insults can get worse and worse until it results in violence or other negative consequences – for both of you.

Solution: Let the insults or negative comments of others slide off you like Teflon. Don’t let their problem become yours. In fact, try to understand their problem more – why would someone say something like that? What problems are they going through? Having a little empathy for some not only make you understand that the ir comment is not about you, but make you feel better about yourself in the process.

I don’t think I can do this – I don’t have enough discipline. May be some other time.

Problem: If you don’t think you can do something, you probably won’t. Especially for the big stuff. Discipline has nothing to do with – motivation and focus has everything to do with it. And if you put stuff off for “some other time”, you will never get it done. Negative thinking like this inhibits us from accomplishing anything.

Solution: Turn your thinking around: you can do this! You don’t need discipline. Find ways to make yourself a success at your goal. If you fail, learn from your mistake, and try again. Instead of putting a goal off for later, start now. And focus on one goal at a time, putting all of your energy into it, and getting as much help from other as you can. You can really move mountain if you start with positive thinking. 

Read the part-1

I am not saying following this is an insurance to success. But definitely saying not following this step towards failure.