Dammit! Why do
these bad things always happen to me?
Problem: Bad things happen to everybody. If we dwell on them,
they frustrate us and bring us down.
Solution: See bad things as part of the ebb and flow of life. Suffering is a part
of the human condition – but it passes. All pain goes away, eventually.
Meanwhile, don’t let it hold you back. Don’t dwell on bad things, but look
forward towards something good in your future. And learn to take the bad things
in stride, and learn from them. Bad things are actually opportunities to grow
and learn and get stronger, in disguise.
You can’t do
anything right! Why can’t you be like _____________?
Problem: This can be said to your child or your subordinate or
your sibling. The problem? Comparing two people, first of all, is always a
fallacy. People are different, with different ways of doing things, different
strengths and weakness, different human characteristics. If we are all the
same, we would be robots. Second, saying negative things like this to another
person never helps the situation. It might make you feel better, and more
powerful, but the truth is it hurts your relationship, it will actually make
you feel negative, and it will certainly make the other person feel negative
and more like to continue negative behaviour. Everyone is loser.
Solution: Take the mistake or bad behavior of others as an
opportunity to teach, show them how to do something. Second praise them for
their behavior, and encourage their success. Last, the most important, love
them for who they are, and calibrate their difference.
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